HAPPY BIRTHDAY ZHUPIGU:}

i found some jokes in the forums.
Joke #1 :
One time there was an army camp in India that just received a new commander.During the new commanders first inspection everything checked out except one thing. There was a camel tied to a tree on the edge of the camp.The commander asked what it was for, one of the soldiers who had been stationed there for a while explained to him that the men sometimes get lonely since there where no woman there so they have the camel. The commander just let that go, but after a few weeks he was feeling very lonely so he ordered the men to bring the camel into his tent. The men did, and he went to work on it.After about an hour the commander came out zipped up his pants and said, "So is that how the other men do it?"One of the men responded, "No we usually just use the camel to ride into town."
Joke#2:
One day there was a girl and some boys beside an apple tree. then, the boys ask the girl to climb the apple tree to pick some apples for them... actually the boys want to see her underwear.. Then, the girl's mother saw... after went back home.. her mother told her not to climb coz the boys' intention is to see her underwear.. Then... a few day later... the boys met the girl again.the boys ask her to go pick some apples again... this time her mother saw it again... then. after the boys left. her mom tell her.. how many times should i tell you!! they want to see your underwear why dun you listen to me? ... but the girl reply... mom, this time I'm cleverer... i never wear underwear.

Joke#3:
It's this man's 33rd birthday. He gets a package at the Post Office and goes to collect it. At the counter the woman brings his package to him, and the man says, "It's my birthday today.""Oh, happy birthday, how old are you?," asks the Post Office worker."33," says the man. "Well, have a good day," says the worker."Thank you," replied the man. To get home, the man has to take the bus. At the bus stop an old lady walks up and waits soon after he arrives. The man says to the old lady, "It's my birthday today.""Oh, happy birthday," says the old lady. "I'm..." "No don't tell me," interjects the old lady, "I know a unique way of telling how old somebody is.""Oh yeah? What's that then," asks the man. "If I can feel your balls for about 5 minutes, I can tell exactly how many years old you are," says the old lady. "I don't believe it." "Well let me prove it!""I'm not going to let you feel my balls!," says the man. "Oh well, I guess you'll never know then," replies the lady. After a couple of minutes curiosity gets the better of the man and he says, "Oh, okay then, you can do it." After a good feel of the man's balls the woman finally takes her hands out of his pants."You are 33 years old exactly," she exclaims! "How the f*ck did you know that?!," exclaims the man, impressed. "I was behind you in the line at the Post Office," said the lady.

Joke#4:
A man walks into a bank, and after waiting for 20 minutes in line, he goes straight to a customer service rep. and says, "Hey, lady, I got this here check for deposit and I'll be god damned if I am going to wait my @ss in line anymore.""Please", says the woman. "I won't have that kind of language in this bank.""Well excuse me, but this f*ckin' check ain't drawing any god damned interest with you yappin' away about my language." "Sir, I don't have to take this abuse" she says."Well then let's get the f*ckin' manager okay? I mean what kind of is this I have to take from you?" The manager is summoned, and says "What seems to be the problem?" The woman says,"This man is using vulgar language and I won't stand for it."The man says "Hey all, I'm trying to do in this god damned bank, for Christ's sake is deposit this in' check for 15 million dollars."The manager looks at the check and looks at the man and says "And this f*ckin' b!tch won't help you?"

Joke#5:
A man tells his wife that he's going out to buy cigarettes. When he gets to the store he finds out it's closed. So the guy ends up going to the bar to use the vending machine. While there, he has a few beers and begins talking to this beautiful girl. He has a few more beer and the next thing he knows he's in this girl's apartment and having quite a pleasurable time. The next thing he know it was 3:00 AM."Oh my, god, my wife is going to kill me!" he exclaimed. "Quick give me some talcum powder!"She gets him some and he rubs it all over his hands. When he got home his wife is up waiting for him and she's furious. "Where the hell have you been!"He says, "Well to tell you the truth, I went into a bar, had a few drinks, went home with this blonde and I slept with her." "Let me see your hands!" she demands. He shows his wife his powdery hands."F*ckin liar, you were out bowling again!"